WANTED: New Friends

Before moving to Korea, I made a point to buy a pair of rain boots. I had read about both the snow and monsoon seasons, and I knew they would come in handy and be money well spent. Unfortunately, finding rain boots in Orange County, California was about as easy as finding a natural blonde in Orange County, but I eventually found a pair of adorable, hot pink plaid rubber boots for less than 20 bucks at Target. The one and only pair!!

I cannot stress this enough: MONEY WELL SPENT!!!

Monsoon season in Korea is insane. One could walk outside in a bio-hazard suit and STILL end up drenched in the torrential downpour. I lost several umbrellas in the war against the rain. They each put up a good fight, and brought honor to their umbrella families. But I finally had to bite the bullet and spend 40 bucks on a professional golf umbrella (pink, of course) with a two mile radius (give or take lol), but it was no use. I arrived everywhere looking like a drowned rat. I ended up leaving the expensive umbrella in a taxi one evening. Never again will I buy an expensive umbrella. I'm like some sort of umbrella kryptonite. My feet, on the other hand, were always dry and warm as the Sahara. (Thank you, super cute Target rain boots!)

Then came the winter months, otherwise known as THE ICE AGE. Korea saw it’s worst snow season in a century this year. Now, I will actually be able to say that I walked 2 miles to and from school in the snow!

Apparently, rain boots are called “rain” boots for a reason, for after a month of walking in the snow and ice each day, I had a blowout while walking to school one morning.

I was outside for approximately 120 seconds when I realized my feet, which were protected by TWO pairs of uber-warm socks, were wet and freezing! I did not have time to run back to my apartment, and getting a cab in the snow is next to impossible, so I walked for 20 minutes with boots full of ice-cold slush.

Now, I think we ALL know that I try to keep a positive attitude at all times, but, and for this my friend Matt can vouch, walking in snow tends to induce tourette’s syndrome in my usual sunny disposition. By the time I arrived at work, I was ready to amputate my feet that were screaming at me in pain.

By the end of the work day, I was very concerned about having to once again walk in ice-cold slushie boots, so I turned to my good friends/coworkers for support. Most told me to “get over it” or “buy better boots in the future.” (I’m a lucky girl, aren’t I?”) Trevor, however, stepped up to the plate.

“I went sledding one time without socks, so I put plastic bags on my feet.”

“Did it work?”

“By the end of the day, I still had toasty warm feet, so you tell me.”

“OK, well help me find some plastic bags, and put them on my feet.”

“I’m pretty sure this is something you could accomplish without assistance.”

“Just shut up and help me!” (Maybe this is where I made a wrong turn…)

I then found two plastic bags, different sizes and colors, and Trevor used packing tape (much more than necessary, might I add) to attatched them to the outside of my boots.

I looked rediculous! And as I waked around, I made so much noise that a Robocop comparison was made more than once.

Trevor and I walked outside, and I was met by crazy looks and laughter by Erik and Tom.

Erik: “Why didn’t you wear the plastic bags inside your boots????”

Tom: “Yeah, Swilley, this is a terrible idea. You’re going to slip and kill yourself.”

I stared blankly at Trevor.

Trevor: “Ah. Yeah that would have been way better, but this is way funnier.”

Me: “What!!!????!!!!! Well, help me fix it.”

Trevor: “Sorry, but I’ve got to get to the gym.”

(I’m 99% sure he then flexed and kissed his bicep.)


Erik, Tom, and Trevor then hightailed it to the gym before I could lunge at them like a cat in car. 

Then Matt enters the scene, doubles over laughing, proclaims that it is "the best moment of his life."


GRRRR....

“You know, I was gonna go to the gym, but I think walking home with you is going to be way more entertaining. I want to see how this pans out.”

“Please help me take these bags of my feet.”

“Oh that is soooo not happening! A person can’t pay for entertainment this good.”

So when then began our trek home, me making Robocop sounds all the while. And if Koreans thought that Waygooks were strange before, they REALLY think that we are strange now! One woman literally stopped me and gave me hug. My only guess as to the reason why is that she thought that I was mentally challenged in some way, which I suppose is debatable.

Actually, I think it is safe to say that my IQ is well below average because what happened to the plastic bags five minutes after walking, make that slipping and sliding, on slushy concrete? The bottoms of the bags ripped, and in 2.5 seconds I, once again, had slushy feet. UGH! I was the complete opposite of happy!!!

And, of course, Matt refused to help me take the bag off, so I continued to walk (slip) down the road with bags on my feet, which served no purpose whatsoever! And what was Matt doing? TAKING PICTURES!!!!

In closing, I would like to say that I am now taking applications for new friends.

Also, Trevor is dead to me.


I might as well throw Tom and Erik on that list as well.

Rest In Peace, super-cute rain boots. We shared a lot of miles and memories together. You will be missed.

Pretty Woman

Sometimes when one says "Wow. I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman," it is not necessarily a good thing. Several months ago Jennifer and I made an impromptu trip to Shinseage. I guess one could describe Shinsegae as the Nordstroms or Saks of Korea. It carries pretty much any western brand imaginable, Chanel, Coach, Louis Vuitton, Gap, Banana Republic, etc., along with a variety of Korean brands as well.

Quick fact: The United Colors of Benetton is HUGE in Korea. I remember Benetton being a big deal in the US in the early 1980's but had completely forgotten about the brightly colored company until arriving in Korea and seeing my students in Benetton apparel each day. There are also Benetton bicycles and condoms everywhere.

As usual, I have gotten off track. Let's go back to my shopping excursion with Jennifer. This was the day that I purchased my Roberto Cavalli sunglasses. If you do not know to what I am referring, you have not been reading my blog. Bad Reader (no cookie)! Before deciding on a pair of sunglasses, I dragged Jennifer into a million different stores in search of a simple black sweater. I usually have luck at Banana Republic, but on this particular day, that was not the case. Eventually, we ended up in a random Korean brand store. While browsing, I picked up a furry black sweater. (Koreans truly love all things furry, when it comes to sweaters, jackets, and vests, And I can assure you that they are not PETA friendly.) It was very ajuma-esque, and I had no intention of purchasing the furry item. IMMEDIATELY, a saleswoman grabbed the sweater from me and said (in korea) "very expensive." The she proceeded to show me the price tag. It was 500 dollars. Yes that was too expensive, AND the sweater was hideous, but NO ONE is allowed to assume that I can't afford something. My inner Budgie (that's my grandmother) nearly bought the horrible sweater out of spite! I know, I know, that would be maturity at it's finest, but no one puts Baby in the corner!!!
Instead, I grabbed the sweater back, shook my finger at the salesperson, and said "Not nice! Rude!"
She, in turn, nodded her head and replied (again in Korean), "Ah. Yes. Very expensive."
GRRR....She thought that I was shocked at the price, not her rude behavior.

Jennifer laughed at me for a good, solid two hours, NO,  make that two days after the incident. She kept reenacting the situation and quoting Pretty Woman by saying "Big Mistake! HUGE!"

For the most part, however, Korean customer service is excellent IF they are making money off of you. Once a salesperson knows you want to buy something, the discounts and free products begin flowing like soju and mekju on a Saturday night in Hongdae. But if you're not gonna be a cash cow, you might as well not exist, and they want you OUT.

Call me a masochist, but I still stand by my belief that Shinsegae is the REAL happiest place on earth!

And this is basically what you see walking down the street on a daily basis. It's freezing, ladies! Put on some pants!!!!

A Very Windy Country

I am most definitely not a fan of toilet humor. In fact, I find it extremely obnoxious. So I apologize in advance for the following blog entry, but I feel it might as well be included in my Korean memoir, so here goes.

Justin, one of my co-teachers discovered a cartoon DVD in our office entitled The Daughter-in-Law With Thunder Farts. It took a total of 3.5 seconds for most of the foreigners in our office to gather around Justin's computer, baffled. It was basically Terrance and Phillip meets Cinderella. And it was a genuine educational DVD! Maybe I am just jumping to conclusions, but would showing a movie about a farting (I really hate that word.) milkmaid fly in an American school district?

So let's look a bit at culture at Korean culture...

The following is a Korean folk tale I found whilst surfing the net. Enjoy.

GENERAL PUMPKIN

Long, long ago there lived a rich man who had an only son. This boy had an enormous appetite and was particularly fond of pumpkins. His parents got all the pumpkins they could for him. They sowed all their fields with pumpkins, and bought them in vast quantities from the neighbors and in the market. They made pumpkin cakes, pumpkin puddings, pumpkin soup, pumpkin porridge for their son, and he ate nothing else. He would eat a big straw bagful at a sitting, and yet he always complained that he was hungry.

His parents spent so much money to feed him that in the end they were ruined. And to make matters worse, the gluttonous eater of pumpkins used to break wind so often and so violently that in the end the villagers refused to put up with him any longer, so fed up were they with the smell and thunderous rumblings. Finally they drove him away from the village.

So he wandered from village to village begging pumpkins. People who had not heard of him often gave him work, for he looked very big and strong, and he did not ask for money, but only pumpkins as reward for his labor. But he lost every job in a few days when his employers found what an extraordinarily filthy glutton he was.

One day he came to a big Buddhist temple in the mountains. It was a very rich and famous temple, with many priests, but often fell victim to a band of robbers, under their chief, Hairy Zang. Zang used to disguise himself as an ordinary wayfarer and go to the temple to spy out the land. Then at night he would lead his band against it and carry off all the valuables they could lay hands on.

When the Abbot saw the enormous frame of the pumpkin eater standing before the gate of the temple he went and welcomed him warmly, for he thought that this gigantic stranger would be a match for the robbers. He led him into the temple and, bowing humbly before him, asked him what his favorite food was. "You do look a strong man indeed, sir," he said. "What do you like to eat, and how much?"

"I eat nothing but pumpkins," answered the glutton. "You had better cook as many as you can for me, say a whole kettle full."

So the priests of the temple entertained him with a whole kettleful of pumpkin porridge, and then brought him another kettleful of pumpkin cakes. Then they asked him to help them if the robbers should attack the temple.

That evening the robber chief came to the temple. When he saw the feast of pumpkins being made ready he asked a priest, "Have you a party tonight?"

"Yes, General Pumpkin is here," was the answer.

"How many soldiers has he?"

"He has come alone, and will eat them all himself."

The robber chief was astounded to hear this, and decided to stay the night in the temple so that he might take a closer look at the terrible general. Some of the priests recognized him and went and told the Abbot. Then the Abbot went and told General Pumpkin that the robber chief was staying in the next room. So General Pumpkin told the priests to take drums and hide in every corner of the temple at midnight, and put out all the lights. Meanwhile all the followers of the robber chief gathered outside the temple and tried to break in.

Suddenly in the stillness of the night there came a deafening rumble like thunder, and the air was filled with an unbearable stench. General Pumpkin had broken wind. Then a violent gale blew down the high brick wall surrounding the temple. The robber chief tried to run away in his alarm, but whichever way he turned he was confronted with the roll of drums from every dark corner. In the end he was killed, and all his men were crushed under the falling bricks of the wall.

The Abbot thanked General Pumpkin for his services, and invited him to stay in the temple as long as he lived. He lived there for many years, and had all the pumpkins he wanted. To supply him the priests planted a large area of the temple fields with pumpkins every year.

When he grew old the three sons of a rich family that lived near the temple came to him and asked him to help them fight a white tiger which had killed their father. He went to their house one day and they entertained him with pumpkin delicacies of every kind. All they wanted him to do was to break wind just once.

So in the afternoon the three sons of the family donned their armor and shouted, "Come out and fight, white tiger." Immediately there appeared a tiny tiger, no bigger than a rat, and completely white. They all leapt in the air to fight.

General Pumpkin peeped through a chink in the window-paper to see what was going on, and, horrified by what he saw, fell down in a faint. As he fell he broke wind violently, and a deafening roar filled the air. The white tiger was paralyzed with terror at this sudden explosion and the evil stench that followed. Then a bamboo stake from the fence pierced its body, and it fell down dead.

When the three young men came inside again they found the old man lying dead in the room surrounded with excrement. They were very sorry to see it, and provided him with a fitting funeral. And for three years they mourned for him as they did for their father.

Friends, I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Next, we have a popular children's program:

GENERAL FART

Again, I apologize for the crude topic, just trying to bring a little culture into as many lives as possible.

Until next time, have a very Dalki day!

LUSH!

I recently discovered LUSH Cosmetics, of which I had never heard until venturing into a store in Gangnam (Did I mention I love it there???)

Not to get off track, but Gangnam has the ninth most expensive shopping street in the world. It's like crack to me. I can't stay away!!!! Now let me attempt to get back on the topic at hand.

Ummm...Oh yes! LUSH Cosmetics rock! It is not a Korean company. The products are made in the UK, and the best part is that they are environmentally and ethically conscious products. The products are handmade with no animal testing and as little packaging as possible. The company has also rid its products of palm oil, which comes from trees in orangatan habitats. It's so hard to find reasonably priced ethical companies, so I'm excited about my new discovery!!!
My favorite product thus far is LUSH's solid shampoo. No packaging or preservatives, and it lasts as long as three bottles of shampoo. I reccomend "Godiva." It is jasmine scented and is a shampoo and conditioner in one.



STOLEN FROM LUSH.COM
Lady Godiva was married to a rich Lord in the town of Coventry in England. The people of the town loved her as she looked after them. Her husband was not so nice. He wanted to put up the taxes on his people. His wife asked him not to, and he said only if she rode through the town in the day completely naked! She agreed and asked the people of the town to stay in their houses and not look out, to keep her modesty. Luckily she had very, very long hair, which she let hang over her body. The people did as she asked, all bar one man called Tom, who peeped out and since then we have two names in the UK to describe people. "Lady Godiva" someone who parades naked and has beautiful long hair, and "Peeping Tom" someone who spies on others and looks when they should not be.

www.lush.com

My top ten favorite things about Korea:

Weird and Wonderful Korean Snacks

Milkis "New Feeling of Soda Beverage"



It's basically sprite and milk. I know it sounds terrible, but I don't hate it.

Red Bean Paste


What could be better than boiled red beans and sugar, mashed into a paste? OK, I can think of several things, but, again, I don't hate it. Red bean paste is used in many different ways.

1.Bungeoppang

It is a popular street vendor food. It tastes like a waffle with red bean paste filling. The traditional bungeoppang is shaped like a fish, but I like these Dalki snacks I found in Insadong.

Dalki is a popular Korean cartoon character. I don't know much about Dalki, other than she is a strawberry, her boyfriend is a watermelon, and she hangs out with a guy with poo on his head. For some reason, Koreans seem to have an obsession with poop. I'm not judging, just making an observation. (check out www.dalkiworld.com)

2.Patbingsu

It consists of ice cream, red bean paste, corn flakes, fruit, chewy jelly bits, and pretty much anything else one may want to throw into the bowl. Flavor overload? I say so.

3. Red Bean Popsicle

This is definitely not my first choice in the frozen treats section, but it's edible in the "someone gave me a popsicle, and I don't want to offend them" sort of way.


Squerky...Squid Jerky

A person cannot throw 100 won without hitting a piece of squerky. It's everywhere. I tried it once. That was enough. I'm done. Moving along...

The Ultimate Sandwich

I try to stay away from bread, but working next to a french bakery has made it sooo hard! My favorite sandwich at Paris Baguette is comprised of toasted bread, ham, cheese, marinara sauce, peas, and corn. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, my friends! It is aju mashisoyo (very delicious).

Frankie Says Relax

It's official. I have been in Korea for five months now. Time has really flown by! I guess that is what happens when a person never stops working and traveling. Sometimes I wonder how much actual time I have spent on a train or bus since I got here! There really has been no time to stop and think or become bored. I can't think of a single moment in the last five months that I have thought "I'm bored. There is nothing to do," which has been incredible and exhausting at the same time.

Next week, I have a nine blissful days of vacation. I want to make the most of my free time, but I also want a chance to relax and re energize. At work today, my coworkers and I had to fill out a paper stating where we will be traveling during vacation, due to swine flu paranoia. The paper looked something like this:

Andrew: Malaysia
Daniel: Cambodia
Erik: Malaysia
Jennifer: Japan
Justin: Japan
Laura: My Apartment
Tom: Taiwan

Part of me is sad that I decided not to go anywhere, and the other part is thankful that I do not have to stress about packing and flying. I don't have to ability to pack lightly, and it takes a horse tranquilizer to get me on a plane!

Anyway, the next ten days will consist of lots of sleeping, reading, and checking out some local sites that I have been putting off. Anyone have cheap suggestions? My financial adviser, Jess, has me on a budget. Let's hope she does not find out that I took a cab to work this morning (fingers crossed).

The following is still on my to-do list...
Seoul palaces and temples tour of some sort
Jimjilbang
Han River Cruise
Seoul Forest
Suwon Wall
Yongin Folk Village
63 Building
Museum of Contemporary Art
National Museum
War Memorial

Update (two weeks later):
My vacation was great. I spent most of my time in Itaewon relaxing with friends. I did, however, manage to check a few things off my list.

1. Korean Folk Village:
I went to the folk village in Yongin-Si, and I have heard it is the best in the area. I definitely recommend it to anyone. Everything was very authentic, and I felt as if I had traveled back in time for a bit. It is also a popular filming location for historical Korean films and television dramas. There are signs throughout the village which mark certain movie/television scenes.

2. Korean Palaces:
I love history, and a Korean palace is an impressive piece of architecture, but I have realized that once you have seen one Korean palace, you basically get the gist. I have only seen a few, but they all look the same, and they are very barren because most of the artifacts are in museums. I think I would find them a bit more interesting if they palaces were set up as if they were frozen in time and people still lived there. But I still recommend seeing at least one palace. Anything 500 years old is always worth seeing.

3. Jimjilbang:
Jimjilbangs are the BANG! I enjoyed it so much I went twice during my vacation. As long as you are not modest is a very cheap and relaxing experience. I went to two different jimjilbangs in Seoul, the first in Gangnam and the second at the Hamilton Hotel. Both were nice, but I much preferred the one in Gangnam, which has become my favorite area in Korea.
The jimjilbang is a very interesting experience. Admittance is only 8,000 won (about $6.50), and it covers the use of all facilities. At both locations there were three hot tubs,green tea, ginger, and jasmine (I think...I am just going by the use of my sniffer.), a cold tub (like a swimming pool), various saunas and an ice room. I opted to pay an additional 20,000 won to have a woman scrub my entire, and I do mean ENTIRE, body. I swear I was ten shades lighter when she was done with me. Once again, I am happy that pale is beautiful in Korea!
For more info, check out the following sites:

wiki.galbijim.com/Jjimjilbang
www.dragonhillspa.co.kr
www.seoulstyle.com/art_naked.htm

I also spent lots of time reading Korea Unmasked by Won-bok Rhie. It has been very informative and comical, which helps keep my attention.

Until next time,
Ahn-yung-hee gay-sah-yo!!!!

How Many Times Can One Say "Pee" When Blogging?

This weekend, I had the amazing opportunity to hangout and have lots o' fun with some super great friends from my church. We were invited to use a church member's cabin near the beach. Now, I am in no way shape or form complaining. A free place to stay is a free place to stay, and I never look a gift horse in the mouth, but...
This is for what I was secretly hoping:



And this is what I received...


If there is anything I learned on this past weekend's adventure, it is one has never truly been to the "sticks" until he or she has been to the Korean "sticks," and one has never been bitten by a mosquito until he or she has been bitten by a Korean mosquito, for both are SCARY.

Our adventure began in a nice little caravan. I was in the unofficial wae-gook car, which contained four very chatty Americans and one Canadian who, regretfully, forgot his earplugs at home. (William, did we mention we love you for driving???)

Somehow, our caravan dispersed, and we found ourselves in a very "The Hills Have Eyes" situation. I'm not sure how common banjos are in Korea, but at one point, I swear I heard them.

We kept saying things like, "Surely this is not right." and "Where is the ocean?"

But after turning up and down many tiny, bumpy dirt roads, we found our destination, an abandoned house in the woods. To be honest, I felt right at home because it brought back memories of scary nights at my Uncle John's cabin on the Bouie River. It was at said cabin, at the age of three, that I first discovered that I was indeed a city girl.

I want to be outdoorsy. Really, I do, but I suppose some things come with great difficulty. For example. It never occurred to me that I should bring a pillow, blanket, sheet, towel, etc. I knew we would be sleeping on the floor, but bringing something to sleep on completely slipped my mind. I was too busy trying to pack as lightly as possible because I'm tired of being the over packing princess. Speaking of "princess," did I mention that William abandoned us and slept in his car? So did Eunice, but she is eight months pregnant and most definitely deserves comfort. As far as I know, William is not pregnant. Just sayin'...

Anyway, I did my best and tried to sleep on the floor, but it just was not working, so I ended up having some Laura/Sarah bonding and cleaning time until the sun came up. I am dumbfounded by that girl's energy. Seriously, she should be studied.

After everyone woke a few hours later (bedtime was around 4am), we had a western breakfast of toast, bananas, cereal, and COFFEE. Watching someone eat cereal with chopsticks is wicked impressive, FYI. Then it was time to head to the beach!

Jebu-do Island is popular because of the fact that twice a day low tide causes a higher ground under the water to surface. It appears as if the water has parted, and is, therefore, referred to as the Miracle of Moses. It is only during the low tide periods that one is able to drive to and from the island.

As soon as we got there, Ashley spotted a jellyfish, and the infamous "Friends" episode became the topic of discussion. Ashley and I pinkie-swore to be each other's pee partner, if necessary, and encouraged others to pee partner up as well. No one listened, but Ash and I ignored our full bladders all day, prepared to extinguish our partner's pain at a moment's notice. It turned out to be unnecessary, and we both now have bladder infections, but one can never be too careful when in battle with nature. (Side note: No, we don't really have bladder infections. Pick up a sense of humor sometime.)

As it turned out, maybe I should have partnered up with someone with a bit more intelligence because Ashley tried to channel her inner little mermaid by jumping onto a rock while singing "Part of Your World" and sliced her foot off on a piece of barnacle. She then spent the rest of the day calling the little mermaid a series of words that are illegal in most countries.

Meanwhile, Hardcore-Hannah (or was it Becky?) ran around kidnapping poor little crabs from their homes and putting them in her shoe. She may look sweet and delicate, but that girl is not squeamish when I comes to grabbing random sea creatures as they try to run away. The word on the street is that she once bit the head off a live bat on stage in concert.

And whoever said Chivalry is dead was most definitely correct. Ashley and Sarah almost drowned in some man-eating Korean quicksand. Beau saw them and immediately said "Sorry, there is nothing we can do for you" and high-tailed it toward the shore. I, on the other hand, ran toward them ready to pee, if needed. They eventually escaped, and Beau is pretty much going to hell.

Later, I lounged on the mud and watched everyone play freeze tag and red light/green light in the water. I love the fact that growing up is optional at times!!!

I'll end this blog by saying that although I said the word "ocean" many times, we were in fact at the Yellow Sea, which I find completely racist and will from this day forward refer to as the Asian Sea.

Happy 4th of July!
Oh! And Happy Canada Day!

I'm Kind of a Big Deal

I had to stay in the hospital last night for a sleep study (I have to do this every year). I have sleep apnea, and I sleep with a cpap machine everynight. It is the vain of my existence, but , thankfully, I am blessed to have a life full of friends who support my condition by calling me "Darth Vader" on a regular basis.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Last week, a friend asked me if I would like to appear on an SBS (Seoul Broadcasting System) news program. I looooove being in the spotlight (shocking, I know), so of course I said "YES!" I even made 50,000 won for my amazing thespian ability.

It was a very easy shoot. My friend, Anna Rose, and I had to sit in a restaurant, eat dok boki, and act like it was very spicy and delicious. They encouraged us to "over"act, which is the ONLY acting I know! So no problem there!

Koreans are very proud of their spicy food, which, I admit, is very delicious, but they expect it to be too spicy for foreigners. And they expect us to be shocked and unable to eat it. It has been difficult to convey the fact that there are many spicy foods in America, especially Louisiana. But I usually just go with it and say "Wow. Yes, this is very spicy."

Now, let's go back to the hospital. When I saw my doctor and nurses this morning, they greeted me with "We saw you on TV!!!!" Then they started impersonating me by waving their hands in front of their mouths and saying "Dok boki! Spicy!" It was hilarious!

I did not even know the segment had aired, but it is official. I am famous in Korea! I had only met my doctor and his staff one other time, so I must have made quite an impression for them to recognize me. But I guess I do stand out in a crowd here!

The doctor referred me to a plastic surgeon to correct my sleep apnea, and I am currently in the plastic surgeon's office blogging. If that doesn't equal celebrity, I don't know what does....one moment please....

Sorry, I had to sign an autograph....

Anyway, I have not seen the news segment, but as soon as I get my hands on a copy I will post it on here, provided I don't look like a complete idiot or fat. The camera adds ten pounds, you know. At least, that is what I tell myself.

Until next time, spend your money where it counts, on shoes!
(that is my new sign off phrase)

This has been Laura Swilley, SBS foreign correspondent on the street.

Good to the Last Drop

Yesterday morning, I was in a mad dash to work, as usual. I was in dire need of caffeine, so I ran in "the hut," of which I do not know the real name. We, and by "we" I mean foreigners, have created its name over the years. It is just a small convenience store about the size of a cubby hole. I wanted to get my daily shot of espresso. I prefer Starbucks Americano Doubleshot Espresso, but I was just searching for anything with the word "espresso" written on the can, cup, bottle, etc. I finally found a Korean brand of coffee with espresso written in English. I bought two cups and went merrily on my way. I was ten steps outside of the hut when I took my first sip. Slimy chunks of espresso slid up my straw and into my mouth. I immediately thought "This espresso has gone bad!" and spit it out on the sidewalk (or pavement for my English/Irish friends). I thought I was going to retch, literally. I looked at the expiration date printed on the cup, which was several weeks away, then meticulously examined the rest of the cup.

The small white print in English reads "Exclusive coffee of original latte with jelly espresso." Coffee with chunks of gelled espresso??? What mentally deranged person thought this was a good idea??? And who did this company use as a taste tester? Andrew Zimmern???

As the SBS foreign correspondent on the street, I do NOT approve.

Comfort Women

I'm heading to Seoul today to watch a documentary on the "comfort" women of Korea, 63 Years On. It should be very interesting and, I'm sure, disturbing. Here is more info...

63 Years On

Comfort women - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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South Korea cracks down on bribery of teachers - Los Angeles Times

South Korea cracks down on bribery of teachers - Los Angeles Times

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With the fall of the Joseon Dynasty in 1910, social hierarchy in Korea collapsed and all became equal human beings. This meant that EVERYONE had a chance at a higher education and success, no matter one's family class. Education became the new way to bring honor to one's family.

School is a literally a full time job for Korean children. Seriously, they work more hours than me! And the intense competition to get high scores and grades from teachers to ensure acceptance to a high-ranking university has resulted in the bribery of teachers. Unfortunately (just kidding), it is now illegal.


FYI: A hagwon is a privately owned Engllish academy.

Rockin' out in the ROK!

It has been nearly three months since I jetted halfway around the world to mold young minds, and I am still loving my new/temporary home. I know that it is early in my Korean adventure, but I hope to stay at least one year past my contract. One...because I am enjoying myself. Two...because it is a VERY inexpensive place to live, and I would like to save as much money as possible. And three...because I really love my wonderful new friends from around the world!!! My coworkers and I have truly become a fabulously dysfunctional family.

Being totally immersed in a completely new and different culture has been a remarkable experience, and I cannot believe how much I have learned and become accustomed to in my short time here.

For example...

Officially, I don't live in South Korea. I live in the Republic of Korea (ROK), or just Korea. If you meet a Korean, do not ask "North or South Korea?" because they will probably look at you like you are an idiot. North Koreans cannot travel outside of their country. It's all part of having a stupid communist dictatorship...Oh I mean "socialist state."

There are no Korean "breakfast" foods. Breakfast is just a lighter meal of rice, soup, or any other food that would be eaten at any other time of the day.

This is my favorite...A flasher is referred to as a Burberry Man. It comes from the Burberry trenchcoat. It should not be confused with a Bad Burberry Man, someone who is covered in mismatched burberry patterns.

One cannot be a germaphobe here because at most meals you will share bowls and plates with your dinner companions. I have also had many people give me food to sample with his or her fork or chopsticks. My grandmother (Budgie) would die! haha! It is also not rude for someone to take food from your plate. I'm glad my mom taught me to share!!!

Kimchi is served at every meal. Seriously, every meal. It is basically spicy, fermented cabbage. It sounds repulsive, but it is delicious!


If someone asks if you are Russian, they want to know if you are a prostitute. Some friends and I traveled to a very rural part of Korea, and some of the restaurants refused to serve us because they thought we were Russian. It was such a strange feeling. I have a whole new respect for African-Americans and other repressed minorities.

It is illegal for me to charge for private tutoring lessons. NO ONE I know does it, and they most certainly DO NOT make 50 dollars an hour.

I do not have a car or bike, so I walk everywhere (at least three miles a day! yay!), and I am slowly learning the bus system. The subway is very easy to use, but the buses are much faster.

As of today, I have finally learned the entire Korean alphabet, which means I can now read but not understand signs!


Koreans are obsessed with skin care and literally run away from the sun. The nearest tanning bed is an hour from my apartment. I have decided to embrace and love my paleness:)

I am planning my first trip to a Jimjilbang on Monday, which should interesting. A Jimjilbang is a Korean bathhouse. I have found one online that looks really nice.
Check it out: www.dragonhillspa.co.kr
The entrace fee to use all facilities is 10,000 won, which is less than 8 dollars!

Koreans believe that eating a burnt of charred piece of meat can cause cancer. I googled this, and aparently scientific research does support their theory. So much for Cajun-style:(

Now, this is really good:
Fan death is a South Korean urban legend which states that an electric fan, if left running overnight in a closed room, can cause the death (by suffocation, poisoning, or hypothermia) of those inside. Fans manufactured and sold in Korea are equipped with a timer switch that turns them off after a set number of minutes, which users are frequently urged to set when going to sleep with a fan on. (Wikipedia)


The dongchim is the wedgie of the Korean culture. I'll let you google the literal translation yourself. It basically entails poking someone in the butt. All of the male teachers at my school have been a victim of the all mighty dongchim.


Scissors, rock, paper, NOT rock, paper, scissors, is a very common decision-making strategy. It was probably used in my hiring process.

Yeongam Cultural Festival

An-nyeong!

I know I promised that I was going to blog like crazy while in Korea, but my first month has been super busy and a bit overwhelming at times, so blogging has been the least of my concerns. But I am finally adapting to my surroundings and no longer getting lost every five seconds. At one point, I seriously considered strapping a GPS to my forehead anytime I left my apartment, which I am now going to start referring to as my "flat" because it makes me feel European and exotic. Yes, I know I am not in Europe, but I have yet to learn the Korean word for apartment. Hello...I'm still working on the alphabet!

Anyway, this weekend I am going on a bit of an adventure with three of my new friends. We are taking the KTX, which is a high-speed train, to Mokpo (I think). Then we are heading to Yeongam for the annual cultural festival. Mr. Kim, who reminds me of my grandad, and I had a long conversation at school today about Yeongam and it's history and influence on Japan. Here is a brief synopsis, which I am yet again plagiarizing...


Every April South Korea hosts the Wangin Culture Festival which is a celebration of the culture shared between Japan and South Korea.

Dr Wangin, an inspiration in creating cultural links between the two countries, is remembered during the event which takes place at Yeongam.

At Yeongam where he was born, people meet for a procession that remembers him leaving for Japan. He was originally sent to Japan to help the Paekche Kingdom improve their border relations in time of war, and the festival is one of the oldest celebrations in Korea. He taught the Japanese all about the culture of the Paekche Kingdom and is also well known in Japan where he is considered an important cultural figure.

Travellers visiting Korea will also find that the festival coincides with the blossoming of the cherry trees and is often named the "cherry blossom festival".

Korea: The Early Days

My first day (Friday) in my new home started out fairly well. I was introduced to Lotte Mart, which is pretty much Korea's Walmart, I met a few of my co-workers (One actually asked if I was British), and I got all settled into my swanky one room manor. Jet lag is no man's friend, so I was ready for bed early that afternoon, only to wake in the middle of the night. This amusing little game continued for a few days.

Let's get to the good stuff, shall we?



On Saturday, I toured my new school (I teach the Simba class) and found out that we were leaving for an overnight retreat in a few hours. I was still in need of a converter for my CPAP machine (Google it if you don't know what I'm talking about), and, as most of you know, I do NOT sleep with out my machine. Someone told me that I should check EMart, which is best described as Korea's Target, for the converter.

From the school, I took a taxi to EMart, where I was able to find a converter. Then, I took another taxi back to my apartment.

Getting to EMart was easy. All I had to say was "EMart." Getting to my apartment complex was also easy. I had my apartment address on a piece of paper, and I just handed it to the taxi driver. Piece of cake! I felt so proud of myself!

Once in my complex, however, I could not find my building. They all look the same! So I stopped a random woman in the parking lot. I don't speak Korean, and she did not speak English, but I showed her the piece of paper, and she was able to help me find my clone of a home.

I still had two hours until I had to be back at the school, which is about a fifteen minute walk away. I felt that I was doing so well, with plenty of time to spare! So I threw some clothes, random overnight items, and my converter into my carry-on bag; grabbed my CPAP machine and purse; and headed out the door.

I also had the school's address written on a piece of paper, and since it was only my second day in the area, I felt it best to take a taxi to the school. I swear on all that is holy that I stopped at least twenty cabs, showed them the address, and was refused repeatedly. It was the most confusing experience. What was I doing wrong?????

I looked at my watch and saw that I was twenty minutes late. I had no idea where the school was, so I just headed back to my apartment to try to contact someone at the school. I did not have a phone yet, so I could not call the school. I did, however, have internet, so I logged onto Skype, and saw that Lauren was online. I quickly called her. I had remained so cool, calm, and collected, but when I heard her voice I started crying, which completely freaked her out! I guess when your best friend calls from around globe crying, it can be a bit alarming.

I explained the situation to Lauren and asked her to call the school for me.

Now, those of you who know Lauren, please take a moment to picture her trying to figure out how to call Korea....Good stuff, right?

With the assistance of Brian, maybe I should start referring to them as my "dream team," she was able to call the school, but there was no answer. About five seconds later, Mr. Kim, our school's bus driver/pretty much anything you need man, knocked on my door. I was so happy to see him! Then I realized that he was staring at my bags perplexedly.

"It is one night," he said

"I know. OVERnight, right?"

"No one else has bag."

"What? But we are spending the night, right?"

"Yes. Is ok. Come on."

So I followed Mr. Kim to the school's bus, which was parked right outside my building, still befuddled by our previous conversation about my bags. Again, I had my carry-on, which is very small, my breathing machine, and my purse. When I got to the van, all of my male coworkers were waiting. I guess I should mention that there are only two female teachers. Anyway, I immediately asked, "Did no one else pack a bag?"

I'm not sure from whom the response came, but I heard, "Uh, I brought a toothbrush."

I rolled my eyes, thinking "stupid boys."

Nonetheless, Mr. Kim found room for my bags, and we headed to YongPyong (I think) Resort.

I was still so confused as to why I could not get a Taxi to the school, so I showed someone the address to make sure it was correct. Lo and behold, I did have the correct address, but it was in ENGLISH.

Have you ever felt like a complete idiot? Well, multiply that times 100, and that is about how I felt at that moment of realization!

Best Flight Ever

Yes. I actually made it to Korea. Don't even attempt to lie to me. I know how many of you had bets going that I would chicken out and not get on the plane. I even know that quite a bit more of you had bets going that I would end up stranded in Japan because I would be too scared to get back on the plane. A person refuses to get on a plane ONE TIME and suddenly he or she is an "at risk" flier!

Apart from over packing and having to pay $380 in overweight/size luggage charges, my flight was quite pleasant. I boarded the plane, took 8 Xanax, and suddenly I was in Japan. Who knew it only takes ten minutes fly around the world?

Two more Xanax held my hand as I reboarded my plane and completed my journey to Seoul.

So yet another age old question as been answered.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootie Pop?
Three.

How many Xanax does it take to get Laura to Korea?
Ten.

It's hard out there for a consulate...

If anyone ever says "Hey, let's spend the day in Fairfax," go for it. It's one of my favorite areas, with The Farmer's Market, The Grove, and even The Price is Right, which is filmed in Fairfax!


If anyone ever says "Hey, let's spend the day in Westwood," go for it. Visit UCLA, catch a flick at the Fox Theater, and indulge in a mouth watering Diddy Reese cookie/ice cream sandwich.



If anyone ever says "Hey, let's spend the day in Hollywood," go for it. Everyone should visit "Tinseltown" at least once. But watch out for the Elmo in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater. He's a bit of a militant activist.



If anyone ever says "Hey, let's spend the day in Beverly Hills," go for it. There is nothing like strolling down Rodeo Drive and spitting out your gum on the sidewalk.



If anyone ever says "Hey, let's spend the day in Koreatown," RUN!

I only have three rules in life:

1. Never wear white after Labor Day.
2. Never ask someone if they are pregnant.
3. NEVER go to an area of LA's Rampart Division unless you are packing, and I don't mean for a vacation.

In order to have have my Korean work visa in the palm of my hands, however, I had to brave K-Town with my bodyguard, Darcie, who totally let me down by not wearing her Kevin Costner costume. But all is forgiven because she had to turn around the very next day and drive me back into the depths of the asianic ghetto.

Now, it's widely known that we Orange County residents do not travel farther north than Santa Ana, and we only go there because it has a Popeye's, so Darcie and I were already dreading the journey into LA county. After reaching our fabulously graffiti-decorated destination, I received the Korean Embassy's royal treatment, including my very own celebrity mug shot.


While at the embassy, I learned that an interview involving a person with a very strong Korean accent plus a person with a very strong Southern accent equals the fall of Babel all over again. Then, after all is said and done, I am told that I can pick up my actual visa tomorrow.

"WHAT?????"

I felt like I had arrived at the Gates of Oz.
"What do you mean 'Come back tomorrow?' I just traveled in bumper to bumper flying monkeys down the yellow-brick 5 freeway, and you are telling me I have to come back tomorrow?!?"

Well, I put on my big girl panties and ruby slippers, got over it, returned to K-town the next day, and I am now qualified to work in Korea for the next year.

Oh, and here is a little plagerism for your pleasure. Enjoy...

Koreatown (often abbreviated K-town) is a neighborhood in the Mid-Wilshire district of the city of Los Angeles, California. Home to a population of 340,000 and covering just under 5-square-mile (13 km²), it has the highest population density of all neighborhoods in Los Angeles. Only Midtown Manhattan, downtown Manhattan, and Chicago's North Side neighborhoods rank higher in density in the United States." (stolen from Wikipedia)


Now, if that's not a DEAL, I don't know what is.

Fun for the whole family.

Dayelin Kids School

The following are various pictures of the school at which I will be teaching. I am still in California, and I do not have a definite departure date, but it will be approximately two weeks from now. I have to be in South Korea for training the last week of February, and new classes start the beginning of March. At the moment, I am trying to learn the Korean alphabet and wondering If could find a Korean version of Sesame Street. Don't laugh. It's a proven fact that one learns better from singing fuzzy puppets!

Stupid American, Party of One...

This is not an episode of MTV Cribs, so I can't show you a garage full of bentleys and a fridge full of junk food and bottles of Cristal. But I can show you my future place of residence. It is most definitely quaint, but I love it!