Thinking!!!!!

Day One

I arrived at Karuna Meditation center at approximately 3am. It is located in a very small gated village. I guess it can best be described as a tropical version of Canebreak ( That's for my Mississippi friends). There is 24 hour security at the gate, HUGE homes, a village pool and spa, weight room, beautiful landscaping and Buddhist shrines, and a wonderful sala (pavilion) overlooking the pool.
All of the homes are the same color (Thai Homeowners' Association?) and the Center is a row of homes that have been transformed into a zen escape from the "real" world.
The Center has several rooms and bungalows, two meditation rooms, and a dining room and juice bar.
Here is the daily schedule:
7am- yoga on the beach
8:30am- breakfast
11am- yoga in the sala
1pm- lunch
2pm- meditation class
4:30pm- yoga by the pool
6:30pm- fruit for dinner

Meditation can be done at anytime durring the day in the meditation halls or really any place your heart desires. I enjoy the meditation halls because there is AC and tons of cushions and pillows.

Today was pretty intense. Since I did not get to bed until 4am, I slept until 10am and missed the morning yoga and breakfast. I made it to the sala yoga class, and it was incredible. All of the monks and teachers at the Center are American (No language barriers is a nice change of pace) and have wicked senses of humor. Julie, the yoga instructor, made the hardcore two hour yoga session so much fun.  And believe me, doing asanas outside in Thailand brings a whole new meaning to "hot" yoga.

The food at lunch was so fresh and yummy. I was a vegetarian for two years, and the food today was some of the best vegetarian food of my life! I would like to become a vegetarian again, but it is nearly impossible in Korea, so I'm on the fence at the moment.

Now let's talk about Michael the monk, or, as I secretly call him, M&M. Who knew monks were so HOT??? He looks like a movie star, but is, by far, the most humble and intelligent person I ever encountered. His two hour meditation class was phenomenal. I could listen to him all day. He was so honest and witty. I laughed the entire time.  It was very refreshing!

One thing that blows my mind is that M&M only sleeps three hours per day. I would be the most unpleasant person on Earth. I love my frequent 8 to 10 hours of sleep. He claims meditation takes away so much stress that the body's natural need for sleep and food decreases. I know it sounds crazy, but I can believe it because meditation is sooooo difficult. Seriously, sitting and not thinking is HARD!

Today, M&M told us to clear our minds while meditating, and every time a thought or story comes into our heads, block it out by saying "THINKING!" in  our minds.

My meditation session followed this pattern:
"THINKING!"
"THINKING!"
"THINKING!"
"THINKING!"
"I wonder what time I will return from Phi Phi Island tomorrow? Am I pronouncing it correctly? I really should have learned more Thai phrases. Did the movie Brokedown Palace take place in Thailand? Clare Danes is a good actress. I wonder why she hasn't made any movies recently? I think her last film was that Sarah Jessica Parker Movie. Oh, what was it called? My left foot is asleep. Oh shit..."Thinking!"

Then there was more yoga, private meditation, and delicious mangoes for dinner. Mangoes rock! I never knew, but now I'm hooked! There are way worse addictions, right?

I even asked one of my students who vacationed in Thailand a few months ago, "What should I do in Thailand?"

I was expecting "Go to the beach; ride an elephant; go swimming; etc."

What I got was "Sleep in a hotel and eat a mango."

Well, done and done!

All in all it was a wonderful day, and I never want to leave.

Blogging at 34,000 Feet

As some of you may know, I have been on a quest the past few years to be less materialistic. I have my good days and my bad days, but mostly good days. Unfortunately, I still spend entirely too much money on my hair and makeup. Baby steps, right?

Well, what is it about an airport that makes me want to spend exuberant amounts of money? I can go to COEX, one of the biggest malls in the world, and not spend a penny (umm...i mean, won), but put me in an airport, and suddenly i cant live without a cashmere pasmina, Chanel handbag, and tacky souvenirs galore. In today's particular case, the call of souvenirs before boarding my plane was particularly sad because I LIVE IN KOREA. I'm quite certain that i can live without a Korean Hello Kitty.

And don't even get me started on the duty free shopping magazine on the plane. At the moment, I'm stuck above the clouds, full of xanax, and you give me a yet another chance to purchase designer goods??? Of course, being a Korean airline, 99% of the items are makeup/beauty products. UGH...It's a cold cruel world, indeed. At least this is a zenful, makeup-free vacation.

Thus far, the flight has been very smooth and relaxing. I was hoping to sleep the entire flight, but two hours in, it has yet to happen. I have had 4mg of xanax (I think...haha) and a glass of wine, so i should be dead or passed out, but, instead, i am just relaxed and happy.

Yes. I know I broke my "no wine" rule because this is an alcohol free trip, but it was a very small amount, and i would much rather be comatose or dead if this plane goes down. (Just being honest, people!) I know it sounds crazy, but I love to travel. I have been to more than 10 countries, and I refuse to let a stupid fear of flying stop me from seeing at least 10 more!

I know the monks and yogis at the resort are going to try to convince me to fly back to Korea unmedicated, but we shall cross that bridge on Saturday. Who knows, maybe the meditation will be extremely beneficial in calming my anxieties. Let's face it. Stranger things have happened.

Speaking of strange, I've actually been on a movie kick. I watched two entire movies, two nights in a row (This is the part where my close friends gasp in disbelief). I REALLY hope I don't have to watch a lame Korean film on this flight. (Thanks again to all my friends who FORCED me to watch Ninja Assassin.) Maybe I'll be asleep and it wont matter.

Completely off topic...I watched Inglorious Basterds last night, and I was completely hooked by the end of the opening scene. Brad Pitt's character was phenomenal. His voice in the film is now my interal monologue. I cant turn it off. (You probably heard we ain't in the prisoner-takin' business. We in the killin' Nazi business. And, cousin, business is a-boomin')

AND I am adopting a puppy when i return on Saturday. She is a beautiful black and brown dachshund, named Bear. To me, she will forever be known as The Bear Jew! (Watch the movie, I'm not explaining.)

Now, everyone is doing their Sky high Duty Free shopping, and I am showing complete restraint. I have seriously never witnessed so much in flight shopping. Koreans do love a deal on makeup, but who ever just sprayed her newly purchased perfume might experience the wrath of Swilley. We are in an airtight contraption, for god's sake!

OK. I will try to get some rest and, hopefully, wake up in paradise!

Nighter Facers!!! (that was for you, Dar)

Good news, I took a two hour nap, but I still have two more hours to go. I woke up at one point and saw the in flight movie on the screen. It was an American film, but not one I recognized. I did notice the main actress from High School Musical, but that is all I can tell you. But then again, i am completely ignorant to all American films and music released in the last 10 months.

In lieu of sleep, I will now read more of the latest Laurell K Hamilton novel (I just love her) and perhaps it will lead to more zzzzz's.

Sleeping has become a massive fail, so I am enjoying my third glass of ginger ale. I never drink it on the ground, but in the sky, for some odd reason, I drink it like its my job. I always have.  Seriously, the first time I flew when was around 10, give or take a few years, I asked for ginger ale. I don't think I had tasted ginger ale before, so don't ask why I requested it. Maybe I thought it sounded like a classy drink. Anyway, years later, I have yet to board a plane without drinking ginger ale. And thats #1,384 on the list of "Weird Swilley Facts."

Also, I keep listening to "One Night in Bangkok" on my Ipod, and it is getting me pumped! I love traveling alone. It is so empowering!

See you in Thailand!

Iyengar is My Homeboy

“I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is cleared of all clatter and I'm looking out of my third eye and everything that I'm supposed to be doing. It's amazing what comes up, when you sit in that silence. 'Mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight, Mama's got the magic of Clorox 2.' -Ellen DeGeneres 

I have been studying Hatha yoga for about 6 months now. I have an amazing Yogi, Lynn, who has worked so hard and been so patient in teaching me the ways of one of the world's oldest forms of physical and mental discipline. It's a miracle she did not kick me out of our first session because I would not stop talking. I'm still quite talkative and ADHD durring our sessions, but, I must say, I have come a long way since day one. 

A few months ago, I decided that I wanted to study yoga in Thailand. So Lynn helped me look at various yoga facilities online, and we finally decided on one that was reasonably priced and in line with the same form of yoga on which we had been focusing, which is a combination of Hatha and Iyengar yoga. 


There are about 12 various types of yoga, but I really enjoy Hatha yoga because it is very slow-paced and relaxing. It reminds me a lot of ballet because many of the positions are similar, with Sanskrit names instead of French. (By the way, and I'm not bragging because that would go against all my yogi's teachings, but I can name about twenty different poses in Sanskrit. That's right! What up? High fives!)


So let's step into the present. I'm leaving tomorrow for Karuna Meditation Center. It is located in Nakatini village, on the island of Phuket, Thailand. I hope to spend a few days relaxing through yoga and meditation and exploring. I even plan on doing some hiking. What? Don't act like I am not Little Miss Sunsine when hiking! OK, so maaaaybe I turn into a monster when inclines are involved. And maaaaybe I tried to hail a cab while hiking up Namsan Mountain. And maaaaaybe I develop tourette's syndrome and curse everyone around me. But as long as I avoid inclines (I'm not lazy, just allergic) I will have a lovely time.


I won't lie. I'm very excited to learn yoga and meditation in Thailand. The facility is run by former monks, so I don't think one can find better teachers, but let's be honest. I'm gonna need a muzzle. I'm a complete chatterbox, and some people take a vow of silence before coming to the center. After five minutes with me, their ears will be bleeding, and they will be demanding refunds! And can I just say that if I took a vow of silence for this trip, I would explode and quite possible take a monk or two down with me! 


The best part, however, is I get to check two things off my bucket list!

• Ride an elephant in the jungle.
• Go to the island where The Beach was filmed.

That's right, people! Have you seen The Beach, starring Leonardo DiCaprio? Well, if not, then you need to watch it ASAP, so that I may be the envy of all. Again, very un-yoga-like, but in the words of the great Kathy Griffin "SUCK IT!" I'm going to Phi Phi Leh Island!!!!! (It was also the setting for the James Bond flick, The Man with the Golden Gun.)

The Phi Phi Islands are very short taxi and  ferry ride away from the Center, so I am going to dedicate one day to exploring the islands then joining an elephant ride through the jungle of Phuket. All other days will be reserved for relaxing at the Center. I have a very hard life, I know. 

Now, I'm going to be perfectly honest for a bit. This is the circle of trust, right? A part of me is a bit nervous about Karuna Meditation center. Take a minute to click on the link and check out the website. It looks glorious, doesn't it? Well, I think it, like most websites, is a bit misleading. Alright, I KNOW it is.

After, and only after, viewing the website, read the following review I found online:

"The beautiful beach mentioned on their website is about 20 minute walk but once you get to KYMC they tell you that they don’t recommend women to walk there alone! You can however use the resort private beach across the road (5 minutes). Sometimes they can pose problems as you are not staying at the resort but be nice to them and with soft dialogue you should be fine. It also helps saying you are staying at KYMC.
There is also a swimming pool at Nakatani Village. It is not from KYMC but shared by all people that live at this condominium. Although at the time I was there, it was almost always empty, I can imagine it gets very busy in the high season.

When it comes to yoga, ignore the pictures on their website. It’s not done by the beach or any other fancy place. It either at the yoga sala by the pool (nice area) or indoors if raining. While I was at KYMC there were only classes at 11:00. No 17:00 class as advertised (never).
However, yoga classes are great and the teacher, Julie, is phenomenal. Everyone that came to yoga classes praised the classes and the teacher. She is an energy booster! Julie adapts to all levels and follows everyone individually making sure they are doing stuff right and that they are neither overdoing or are under doing. The yoga practiced at KYMC is Ashtanga primary series. Yoga is Monday to Friday. Some Saturdays as well but not Sundays.

As to meditation itself, there is only one guided meditation followed by teachings – Monday to Sunday. All other session are not guided. You join in when you want and you leave when you want. I will not comment on these as it’s really very personal. Some people find the talks very useful others not so much. Some find them ‘enlightening’ others negative and almost frustrating. It depends on what you are expecting and what your previous experience is."

At first, I was a bit upset that I had wasted my money on this trip, which is nonrefundable. Then my great friend Matt said "Swilley, no one has more fun than you." Which I hope is true. Even if the experience is miserable, I know I will be able to laugh about it, during and after, and it will turn into one hell of a blog! In the summer of 2008 I slept on the ground for two weeks in the Dominican Republic with tarantulas and mosquitoes the size of my head all around. Anything feels like the Hilton after that! So I secretly kind of hope that things are a bit odd because those make the best stories and memories.

One last thing before we say goodbye. There are no room keys at the center. That's right. There are no locks on the doors. Again, at first, I was a bit less than happy. Then I talked to Yogi Lynn, and she assured me that I would be safe, and that "no locks" are representative of a peaceful, trusting environment. Next Tom put his two cents in by saying something about a locked door being a metaphor for a locked mind. I wasn't really listening. After "sweaty cup," I think we've all learned to take his information with a grain of salt. (What does that even mean, by the way?) Later, Matt assured me that I would be perfect safe because anyone who came into my room to kill me would see me with my CPAP mask on and assume that I was already half dead. Did I mention, I love my friends?  


Anyway, I'm pushing my bed against my door when I sleep. End of story. Does that mean my mind will be open or locked? Maybe just inhospitable? Something to ponder, indeed!

Until next time, sawaddee ka!

 

 

Sweaty Christmas!

Everyone keeps asking me "Do they celebrate Christmas in Korea?" So here's your answer...

Christmas (크리스마스) is a popular time in Korea and you'll find that there are some similarities that will remind you of back home, but unfortunately theu will usually revolve around the shopping frenzies and swarms of people in the departments stores and malls. Beyond the sounds of English Christmas pop songs in stores and streets and the occasional Santa in a random department store, Christmas is still kind of a novelty to Koreans. Despite the fact that a third of the population is Christian, it just isn't the kind of major event with lots of tradition as it is in the west. Happily though, it is a national holiday.

Specifically, tree decorating and Christmas turkey dinners are not something that are easy to come by and you many have to find yourself doing a little improv to keep your Christmas spirit alive while in Korea. Some foreigners resign themselves to skipping Christmas that year altogether and just go out to a western restaurant like Bennigans or Marche. Some opt to organize groups of foreigners and have a mock Christmas dinner together at someone's apartment, and some decide that they must go all out and pay 70,000-100,000 won and attend Christmas events and turkey dinner at one of the luxury hotels in Seoul.

If want to do something for Christmas, then this article can give some ideas of what might be available to you. Most churches which offer English services usually have Christmas events and masses. You won't have much trouble buying a plastic tree -- E-Mart carries them, for example -- but real ones are extremely difficult if not impossible to come by. (Wiki.com)

I, myself, opted to join friends for a celebration at Juliet and Rob's apartment with mates from all around the world. It was a joyous/crazy time, indeed, filled with Christmas music, scrumptious food, drinks, and the most hilarious conversations one could encounter.

The quote of the day was "It's !@#$ing Christmas, it'in it?!? (Insert slurred, Keith Richards-like accent here)

Until this year, I had never heard of Boxing Day. It is the name bestowed on the day after Christmas in the UK and Canada. In Ireland, it is referred to as St. Stephen's Day.

"Swilley, what do you call December 26 in The States?"

"Well, Claire, I'm glad you asked. We call it The Day After Christmas."

Later, I met my friends Cherita, Dave, Lynn, and Tom for some authentic Thai cuisine. I'm pretty sure that I could eat pad thai everyday, every meal, for the rest of my life. Speaking of Thai cuisine, I am excited because I leave for Thailand on Tuesday (more about that in my next blog). I guess it goes without saying that the food and atmosphere got me even more excited!

Tom studied in Thailand for a month, so he felt it best to take me under his wing and teach me the ways of the Thai. This is what I got:

"All you need to remember, Swilley, is SWEATY CUP"

Laura: Um...come again?

Tom: Swilley, it is of the utmost importance that you show respect to elders by placing your hands in the Y position and say 'sweaty cup.'

Lynn: I don't think that's right. When I was in Thailand, I pretty sure I pronounced it differently.

Tom: No. I'm completely correct. I'm very good with other languages and cultures. Swilley, stick with "sweaty cup" and you will be fine.

Lynn: Laura, I'm not saying Tom is wrong, but you miiiiiight want to double-check. It's just a suggestion.

So I approached one of the workers in the restaurant and said "Thailand. Tuesday. Sweaty cup?" (lots of hand gestures going on to reinforce my question)

She just laughed and replied "Sa-wet-dee Ka for women. Sa-wet-dee Krub for men."

(Seriously, Tom. I don't think you want me to survive in Thailand.)

I came home and did some research on Thai greeting and the "Y" position, which is actually the "wai" position, and it looks like this...

Also, according to my research, AWAY FROM TOM, the higher the hands are held in relation to the face and the lower the bow, the more respect or reverence the giver of the wai is showing.

I even found a picture of a McDonalds in Bangkok with Ronald outside waiing to customers. 

I then called my family to wish them a Merry Christmas morning, snuggled up in my bed with my hot pink flannel snowman sheets inside, while snow fell outside, enjoyed the warmth from my heated floor, and drifted off to sleep.

It was a very Sweaty Christmas, indeed.

The Washing Machine Incident of 2009

I have a love-hate relationship with my washing machine. In reality, It looks like this:

 In my mind, however, it looks like THIS:

It is a demon spawn sent to Earth to send me over the proverbial mental edge.

Reasons:
#1: It only speaks Korea, and I constantly yell at it in English.
#2: It plays the most obnoxious music (Think of It's a Small World and multiply it times a thousand.) upon completion of stretching my clothes into shapeless masses, which then must be untangled like a strand of Christmas lights.
#3 It is LOUD. I usually try to convince myself that I live at Niagara Falls and attempt to turn the sound into a relaxing experience. Then it is thrown off center and starts buzzing at me with the volume frequency of a car alarm. It sends me from calm to crazy at ludacris speed. That's right, it sends me to PLAID!
#4 It's a stupid-head.

Last week, my washing machine went too far.

Picture it, Korea, 2009. It was a Friday night, and I had decided to stay home and do laundry and head to bed early because I had a big day the next day. That is what happens when you are almost thirty. You stay home on a Friday night and do laundry. Anyway, I had my machine filled to the brim with clothes, added detergent and fabric softener, pushed start. (I stay away from all of the other buttons. I can't read them, and they intimidate me.) The washer began to fill with water, and I crawled in bed with a new book and entered my "I live at Niagara Falls" zone. Then it happened.
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
OK. You get the point.
My washer was FULL of soapy water and refused to do anything other than buzz at me. So I did the responsible thing, crawled back into bed, channeled my inner Scarlet O'Hara, and told myself "I will worry about it tomorrow."
The next morning, I awoke with a postitive attitude, knowing that my washer had miracuously healed itself overnight. WRONG! More buzzing. So I basically kicked, hit, and cursed the machine for about 15 minutes. Then I spent 15 more minutes appologizing. It was a very Bobby/Whitney moment.
I was at the end of my rope, so I called for backup, my partner in crime, Matt. (We are pretty much Batman and Robin meet Lucy and Ethel.) I knew he would be able to help me because I really know how to bribe him. Offer the boy some Vietnamese food, and he is pretty much burying a body for you.
As expected, he agreed. And by "agreed," I mean I had to go drag him kicking and screaming out of bed, but that's not important.
Let's go back to my apartment for a bit and picture me pulling clothes that have been soaking in water ALL NIGHT into a extra-large space saver bag. I would quickly like to mention that I in no way shape or form wrung the water out of my clothes. I was grumpy, the water was freezing, and it would have taken all day! So the sopping wet clothes into the space saver bag. I swear a foot of water floated to the top of the bag. Those bags are air tight, right? WRONG. Water spilled everywhere. I drained and much water out as I could (Thank god for the drain in my washing room floor), resealed the bag, and attempted to move it. I might as well have been dragging an elephant. It was NOT moving. So I dragged my huge Eddie Bauer suitcase, which I love, to my wash room and rolled the bag of clothes into the suitcase. You already know what's coming, right? Here comes the water!!!!!!!!!!!
I immediately grabbed blankets and shoved them into the suitcase to absorb the water, zipped the case, and headed out the door, the entire time leaving a trail of water behind me. I then proceeded to drag the 10 ton suitcase down two flights of stairs, forgetting that gravity is not my friend. I basically had to run down the stairs in fear of being run down my the killer suitcase, which I was pulling with the retractable handle, which immediately bent at a 90 degree angle and snapped off.  That's right snapped...wait for it...off!
So i just let the suitcase roll itself down the stairs and used all my might to pull it into parking lot outside my apartment.
Thirty minutes later, I FINALLY coaxed Matt out of his apartment, and we walked out to the parking lot and saw that my poor little suitcase has peed all over the place. It had literally formed a massive puddle with a five foot radius.
Manly Matt then began to drag my handle-impaired suitcase through the parking lot, but it was dragging bottom like nobody's business. I then called a cab, and we made a pact to quickly get the leaky suitcase in and out of the trunk before the cab driver could realize that he had a trunk full of water.
I won't mention the fact that once we got in the cab I could not remember how to get to the laundry mat, so the cab driver had to keep driving in circles until we found. He tried to kick out a one point, but I don't let cab drivers push me around! Plus, I made myself look really pathetic.
We eventually just get out of the cab in area that we thought was near the laundry mat and, after walking a few blocks, calling Lynn for help, and crying (Matt, not me), we finally found the laundry mat. And, let me tell you, it was BEAUTIFUL.
I entered the laundry mat and got change detergent and Bounce (I was so excited about the fact that I was about to use a dryer!!!!!). Then I looked down and realized that I was standing in a pool of water. Yep. My suitcase peed all over the laundry mat. Unfortunately, all of the washer were in use, so I had to drag my suitcase back outside. The poor owner, who was very sweet, was freaking out because she did not understand from where the water was coming. With my limited Korean and her limited English combined, I was able to explain the situation. I won't lie. It mostly like a game of charades. Luckily, she was sympathetic and did not kick us out.
Twenty minutes later, I was able to put my clothes in a washer, all the while splashing water all over myself. It was a bright and sunny day, and when I left the laundry mat I looked as if I had been in a monsoon, Did I mention all my clothes were wet, so I was wearing bright lime green pants and a purple and hot pink shirt??? Yep. I looked gorgeous as Matt and I entered a local Vietnamese restaurant. I'm surprised Matt didn't make me sit at a different table.
Anyway, three hours later, I had a dry suitcase and freshly washed and dried clothes and sheets. I had not had anything fresh out of a dryer in nine months, so, despite the hell I had been through, it was heavenly. Unfortunately, I still had to pull my suitcase home with out a handle, which full of dry clothes was not heavy, just awkward. It's a miracle I did not trip and fall in traffic, and Matt laughing at me the entire time did not help. I promise.
In closing, remember, people, be kind to your washing machines. They are very sensitive and will seek revenge at all costs.

And that's how Laura C's it!

Robert Who?

My friend, Tom, and I have had quite a few adventures since arriving in Korea. I should probably start a new blog, The Adventures of Redneck and Suji. This week's adventure is not necessarily the funniest, but it is, by far, the most astonishing.

Two weeks ago, I bought a fabulous new pair or Roberto Cavalli sunglasses from Shinsegae, which came with a one year warranty card and a carrying case about the size of a small country.

Last week, I encouraged Tom to wear my sunglasses as a part of his "robot" Halloween costume. He then wore them out Halloween night in Seoul, with which I had no problem.

The following Monday, I ran into Tom's class to see if maybe he had the glasses at school with him, to which he responded, "Um. Yeah. I think that are at my apartment. And they might be broken."

"What?!? They were really expensive!"
"Well, not really broken. One of the lenses just seems to have popped out."
"Oh. OK. I'm sure it will be fine."
"But they weren't really expensive right? I mean, they seemed to be just plastic sunglasses. I thought you bought them at the costume shop."
"No, Tom! They were Roberto Cavalli!"
"Robert who?"
"You're killing me, Tom."

Then I felt bad for reacting badly over a stupid pair of sunglasses, which I told him to wear, and I remembered that they were still under warranty!!! So I went back to Tom's class to tell him that there was nothing to worry about.

"Oh. That's great, Swilley. I'm sure we will be able to get them fixed then."
"Well, yeah. They're under warranty. There should be no problem."
"(clears throat)...um...yeah...I'm sure it will be fine."

Fast forward to 30 minutes later....Tom enters main teachers' office...

"So, Swilley, the glasses aren't so much broken as broken and missing."
"Wha..."
"But I'm sure I will be able to find them! Don't worry! All will be well!"
"OK, Tom. If you say so."

Fast forward to two hours later...Text message from Tom...
"Good start. I have the lenses. Now I only need to find the frames."

I was seriously cracking up at this point.

Fast forward to one hour later...Message from Tom to random friends on facebook....

"Just a shot in the dark......has anyone found the gold rim glasses that I was wearing on Saturday night? They belong to Swilley and I've found out that they have an equivalent value to a villa in Monaco.......any ideas give me a shout. cheers."

Fast forward to this morning's cab ride to work...
"Swilley, I've work out a plan. I'm just going to bring the lenses in the case, with the warranty card, to Shinsagae. I will just explain that my girlfriend was wearing them, and the frames fell off of her face into a river. I will bring Lynn, and she will cry threaten to break up with me if I do not replace the glasses."
"Tom, you don't speak Korean. That is NEVER going to work."
"Sure it will, Swilley. I'm English. They'll love my accent. I'll wear a trench coat and be very British."
"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."
"No, Swilley. It's golden. It's gonna work."

We continued to have the same conversation over and over again throughout today, and I seriously tried to talk him out of wasting his time, but he is one persistent Brit!

Lo and behold, I got the following text earlier this evening...
"Good news. Just saw them at Shinsegae. They're gonna put new frames on for you:)"

Now, seriously, raise your hand if you thought Tom was going to be successful in the previous venture. Oh, put you hands down, liars!!!! You know, as well as I do, that most stores in most countries, ESPECIALLY Korea would not have replaced frames that had gone MIA. I mean, the warranty serial number was on the frames, not the lenses!

I guess it just goes to show that Tom and Lynn are thespians extraordinaire.

Bravo, guys! And many thanks!

PRE-SOJU=LENSES

POST-SOJU=NO LENSES


(It's so crazy that the lenses, instead of the frames, made it back home!)

Hello, November!

I have passed the eight month mark! Some days, it feels like eight years; some days, it feels like eight minutes. I will be home for two months in March, and I can't wait, but I am also looking forward to another sensational year in Korea. Knowing more about the various areas, housing options, and schools has me really excited about "movin' on up!" I know that much of the rural area in Korea is beautiful and offers a higher salary, but I'm a city girl, and Seoul is where I shall be next year. Yongin has been nice, but I'm so tired of making the trek back and forth into the city.
I also can't believe it has been nearly two years since I have seen my family. I'm loving life, but man-o-man do I miss them, especially my nephew, Luke. The word on the street is he no longer answers to "Luke Swilley," only "Luke Skywalker." And I cannot wait to meet my soon-to-be niece, Ella Rose. It's unfortunate that my family won't move to Korea, but they have always been a selfish bunch!
And don't think for a minute that I have forgotten about my "Miller" family! I can't wait to see Steven and Savannah. I have a feeling Dar and I will be kidnapping them for a fun-filled afternoon; hopefully Sprinkles Cupcakes and Gelato Paradiso will be involved!!!! Michelle, don't start. I know you're cupcakes are awesome.

As the blog title implies, it is now November, a month in which a VERY important holiday occurs. THAT'S RIGHT......Pepero Day!
Pepero is a cookie stick dipped in chocolate. I won't lie. I'm a big fan. (No pun intended) And November 11 is Pepero Day because "11-11" looks like four Pepero Sticks. I did some research, and according to one story, Pepero Day was started in 1994 by students at a girls' middle school in Busan, where they exchanged Pepero sticks as gifts to wish one another to grow "as tall and slender as a Pepero." That's what I like most about Korea culture, it's focus on intelligence.

I'm surprised there is not a Spam Day (maybe there is) because EVERY convenience and grocery provides not only tons of Spam but SPAM GIFT SETS! And I'm talking HUGE gift sets. SPOILER ALERT: Guess what everyone is getting for Christmas????

I almost forgot that Thanksgiving is this month, and it will be very odd to be stuck in a classroom teaching, instead of watching the parade with Dar (remember the slow moving panda bear? Yep. You're doing to motion right now, aren't you?!?), making mashed potatoes with Michelle, stuffing my face with Joel's bean dip, and watching the yearly James Bond marathon.
My friends and I really want to cook a turkey, but we don't know anyone with an oven. (Maybe this is where the Spam become necessary) There has been talk of frying a turkey, but we do not know how to find a large amount of peanut oil. Also, I'm pretty sure the turkey fryer would just be a huge pot on top of a bonfire on someone's rooftop. Errr...I'm gonna keep searching for an oven. Maybe TGI Fridays will let us use theirs.

Did I mention it's freezing?????? We went from 70 degrees to 30 degrees in 60 seconds! How did I miss autumn? I took a nap on Sunday, so maybe I missed it then. Thank god for my ondol (heated floor). It's cranked up so high at the moment, I could probably bake a turkey on it. Uh-oh! I think we have a solution to our problem! :)

ROKetship Comics

I first discovered Luke Martin's comic in the Groove Korea Magazine. I not sure how funny these are to anyone outside of Korea, but trust me, they are DEAD ON!

ewwwwwwwwwwwww

I spotted this at a local Seven Eleven. I have no words. The end.

Happy Chuseok!

Today is Chuseok, a Korean holiday which celebrates autumn, harvest time, and the full moon. The literal translation of Chuseok is "sunset of autumn." I don't completely understand the lunar calendar, but I do know that Chuseok falls on the 15th day of the eighth lunar month.

On Chuseok morning, families travel to the graves of their ancestors to honor them by pulling weeds and cleaning around their graves.

A few of my older female students showed me a circle dance in class on Wednesday, which is called "ganggangsullae." The Korean circle dance actually has a very cool history:

"Mothers and daughters dressed in hanbok (traditional Korean dress) gather around in a circle, holding hands, and sing together. This dance originated from the Joseon Dynasty during the Japanese invasion when the Korean army dressed Korean mothers and daughters in military uniforms and had them circle a mountain peak to make the Japanese think the Korean military was greater in number than it actually was. Through this strategy, the Koreans were eventually able to defeat the Japanese. " (visitkorea.or.kr)

Songpyeon is the official snack of Chuseok. It is a rice cake dish which is steamed in pine needles. Songpyeon was served with lunch each day last week. I feel bad because my coworkers and I might not have been appreciative enough of the festive snack because we could not see past the pine needles. It's hard to get excited about a snack that looks and smells like potpourri. I actually liked it when I finally tried it. And I did not realize that it was such an important dish. I just thought the school's cook had been watching too much Iron Chef. (Today's secret ingredient is...............A PINE TREE!) Then I was completely shocked to see how much the students loved the songpyeon. They were so excited when I brought it into the classroom. I had to do a double take to see if I had accidentally grabbed a tray of cupcakes instead. Nope. It was songpyeon, and as far as my students were concerned, way better than cupcakes.


On Thursday, we celebrated Chuseok at School, and everyone, myself included, dressed in Hanboks and played traditional Korean games. It's no secret that I love to play dress-up, and now I want to have my very own hanbok. I will say this, however. Hanboks are probably the most unflattering dresses ever designed. Give me a kimono over a hanbok on a fashion runway anyday!

One of my favorite actresses, Sandra Oh, tried to pull off an updated version of the hanbok last year, but was jeered tremendously by fashion critics. I, personally, like it. Can my hanbok look like this for Seollal (Korean New Year)?



Chuseok ends with wishing on the full moon that night. I'm still not letting go of my wish for a dryer!!!

즐거운 추석 보내세요
(Have a happy Chuseok!)

Korean Traditions and Superstitions

After hearing that a coworker who dreamed about one of her students pooping his pants needed to buy a lottery ticket, I became intrigued. I love learning about superstitions. I guess it comes from being raised in Louisiana, which is FULL of local superstitions of its own.

Here are few traditions and superstitions that seem to be unique to Korea. If you have any to add, or if any of these are incorrect, please comment!!!!

Don’t throw your toenail clippings in the fireplace or else you’ll have retarded grandchildren. (It’s best to throw nail clippings over water, in the toilet.)

When you lose a baby tooth, have your mother throw it on the roof. We even do this at school when kids loose their teeth (I don’t know why.)

Girls and women should not sit on a cold stone surface because it will make them infertile.

Don’t wear white ribbons in your hair because it is bad luck. White is the color associated with funerals and death.

OF COURSE, don't sleep in a closed room with a fan on, or you will die.

Don't touch a butterfly then rub your eyes. It will cause you to go blind.

Don't give shoes to your girlfriend/boyfriend. They will run away.

Don't wash your hair on an important day.

Shave the babies head because it'll grow in thicker.

If you shake your leg, your good luck will fall off.

If you jump over your baby, they won't grow.

Pull on your babies legs so they'll grow up to be tall.

If you are born with big huge ears, you are to be rich.

Don't tickle a newborn because it will cause him/her to stutter.

When sewing, if you use a long piece of thread, it means you'll marry a man far away.

Twirling a pen/ pencil makes you stupid.

If you have thick earlobes that are attached, you'll be rich.

If you have thick ear lobed that aren't attached, you will make money but not be able to keep it.

If your ears stick out, you hear good luck calling better.

Never sign your name in red ink because someone will die. We are NOT allowed to write our students' names on the board with a red dry-erase marker.

After giving birth drink lots of soy milk and eat lots of seaweed soup to produce breast milk.

After giving birth do not leave the house for 40 days.

Laundry detergent is the best housewarming gift because the bubbles represent money/fortune.

If your partner can place a grain of rice on the bottom of the outer ear lobe, and it stays, they will have great fortune.

After someone passes you are to mourn for 40 days.

Laying down shortly after eating/eating reclined means that you will be reincarnated as a cow.

If you kill an insect while eating, you will murder someone in the future.

If leave your shoe on the side, your soul will drain out.

When serving, always give two scoops of rice/two servings of a food, or the bond between you will drop.

Eating from the center of the rice bowl signifies that you wish your mother ill.

Resting your chin on your palm wishes your parents dead.

Having big gaps between your fingers means that you can't hold onto money.

Dreaming of a big turd is good luck.

Sleep with the head north or east, dead people are buried with their heads to the west (sunset).

Don't cross your chopsticks while eating. It is very bad luck. I always cross my chopsticks. I don't know how to use them any other way.

If you dream about a pig, that means money and/or good fortune is coming your way.

Take a Rest

I'm not sick, but with all the swine flu craze going on in Korea at the moment, I felt a blog was in order.

"Take a rest" is the "Get well soon" of Korea. "Don't be sick" is another popular phrase. I hate hearing "Don't be sick" when I am sick.

"Don't be sick??? Wow. What a novel idea! Hold on a sec...(snaps fingers)...Yay! I'm not sick anymore!!!!"

It seems that one teacher is always sick at my school, and since we share one office, we share lovely germs as well. Plus, teachers tend to get sick more than anyone in any other profession, due to stress and germy kids, so it's to be expected. Not to mention the fact that we are in a new country with new germs. Also, there is that pesky yellow dust from China that tends to blow about.

My point being, I have been sick a few times here, and I'd like to share a few things that I have learned about being sick in Korea thus far...

• Foreigners get sick more than Koreans because we were not raised on kimchi nor do we eat it on a regular basis. (insert eye roll here)
• National health care is cheap and convenient. I'm a fan.
• Doctors and pharmacists do NOT like to tell you about the medicine they give you. They just expect you to take it, no questions asked. And they NEVER ask you if you are taking any medication in order to avoid fatal interactions. But I always ask as many questions as possible. Doctors love me here:)
• Every time I go to the doctor, I get a shot in my bum. I have no idea what it is. It's probably kimchi.
• My air conditioner is making me "catch a cold."
• I'm usually a complete baby when I am sick, but living here has really toughened me up. At work, we have two sick days per year, but we are expected to spend those days at work, working when we can and sleeping on a bed in the attic when we can't. One day I had a stomach flu or something and my principal sent me to hospital, and I was put on an IV for dehydration. Once the IV bag was empty, I had to return to work and teach two classes.
• I rarely see Koreans wash their hands in public restrooms...just an observation. Maybe I'm missing it. I watch my students like a hawk and make them wash their hands a million times per day. It's nice having a bathroom and sinks in the classroom.
• Spicy ginger tea rocks when you are sick!!! It helps with everything. It gets rid of nausea, makes you sweat out toxins, soothes your sore throat, suppresses a cough, and it even speeds up your metabolism.

Now, I'm not going to get on my swine flu soap box, but the paranoia has gotten out of hand. At my school, we now have an electric hand sanitizer, which is actually pretty cool, but while I encourage my students to thoroughly wash their hands for one minute with good ole soap and water, the Korean teachers completely cover the kids' hands with hand sanitizer (I'm talking dripping up to their elbows) and follow it up with an antibacterial hand lotion. It's madness!

Oh well. Who am I to judge? When in Lome, do as the Lomans.

Here's to staying healthy!!! Eat your kimchi!!!!

Chindogu Makes the World a Better Place

This weekend, I was introduced to the world of Chindogu. One of my friends has a book that everyone should read, The Big Bento Box of Unuseless Japanese Inventions. Chindogu is the Japanese art of making the most useless and embarrassing inventions known to man. Here are a few of my favorites...

It's magic!

I got a Japanese Magic Straight perm yesterday, and I love it!!! I'm way too lazy to use my CHI straightener everyday, plus I'm constantly running late, so Magic Straight is perfect for me. Perhaps, I should call it "Korean" Magic Straight, since Koreans have such a srrong hatred of Japan, but it was indeed developed in Japan. Sorry, Korea. My loyalty is still to you. (Let's hug it out!)

Anyway, prior to coming to Korea, I wanted to get Magic Straight at my salon in California, but was going to cost approximately 800 dollars!!! Here in Korea? It was only 60,000 won, which is 48 bucks! Raise your hand if you love Asian beauty products! Let's see those hands, people!

Also, my hair is so much straighter than my 200 dollar CHI could ever hope to accomplish. And, Darcie, I can hear you cursing me out from across the globe! Don't hate! I'll mail you my CHI;)

I was a bit worried about damage, since the chemicals used to straighten hair are so harsh, but, let's face it. My hair is already fried from my changing its color every time I get a wild "hair." Plus, using the heat of a hair straightener everyday, even if it is ceramic and ionic, is not great for one's hair, so I decided a permanent straightening would be the lesser of two evils.

The result???? My hair feels silky smooth! I hope it stays this way. There are great Korean conditioning treatments with squid ink about which my friend, Juliet, raves. I will probably starting getting them on a regular basis to keep my luscious locks as healthy as possible.

So what is Magic Straight and how does it work?

Japanese Magic Straight is a new hairstyle treatment, which uses heat to restructure the bonds in your hair to create permanent straight hairstyle that will last from six to eight months. The popularity of this treatment is growing daily with many featured articles in magazines such as Vogue, Lucky and In Style, just to name a few, and the trend setting of the fashion industry. Born in Japan, launched in the US just a few years ago, Japanese Magic Straight is taking the hairstyle world by storm. It is also known as Thermal Reconstruction, Ionic Re-texturizing and Magic Perm. And it is truly a magic for those who struggled with blow dryer every morning to achieve the straight hair look.

The process is a complicated one: Hair is treated first with a specialized foamer to protect the hair, then the straightening solution, which breaks the shaft’s cystine bonds and has the same potent smell as regular perm solution. Hair is then coated in plastic and left under a heater for up to 40 minutes, depending on its texture and wave. After a washout and blow dry, specialized flat irons (which can adjust heat between 150 to 220 degrees) are used on one-inch sections of hair. The ironing process can take up to an hour and a half, sometimes employing two stylists at once. The irons permanently lock in the straightness.
Like regular perms, neutralizer is then applied and left in, which stabilizes the pH balance. Hair is then rinsed, treated and blown dry.
As with perms, clients must not shampoo their hair for two days. During this period, they also must leave their hair perfectly still — no barrettes, pins or bands. Some even warn against tucking your hair behind your ear for fear of bending the hair permanently before the shaft has completely stabilized. (http://www.londonkoreanlinks.net/)