WANTED: New Friends

Before moving to Korea, I made a point to buy a pair of rain boots. I had read about both the snow and monsoon seasons, and I knew they would come in handy and be money well spent. Unfortunately, finding rain boots in Orange County, California was about as easy as finding a natural blonde in Orange County, but I eventually found a pair of adorable, hot pink plaid rubber boots for less than 20 bucks at Target. The one and only pair!!

I cannot stress this enough: MONEY WELL SPENT!!!

Monsoon season in Korea is insane. One could walk outside in a bio-hazard suit and STILL end up drenched in the torrential downpour. I lost several umbrellas in the war against the rain. They each put up a good fight, and brought honor to their umbrella families. But I finally had to bite the bullet and spend 40 bucks on a professional golf umbrella (pink, of course) with a two mile radius (give or take lol), but it was no use. I arrived everywhere looking like a drowned rat. I ended up leaving the expensive umbrella in a taxi one evening. Never again will I buy an expensive umbrella. I'm like some sort of umbrella kryptonite. My feet, on the other hand, were always dry and warm as the Sahara. (Thank you, super cute Target rain boots!)

Then came the winter months, otherwise known as THE ICE AGE. Korea saw it’s worst snow season in a century this year. Now, I will actually be able to say that I walked 2 miles to and from school in the snow!

Apparently, rain boots are called “rain” boots for a reason, for after a month of walking in the snow and ice each day, I had a blowout while walking to school one morning.

I was outside for approximately 120 seconds when I realized my feet, which were protected by TWO pairs of uber-warm socks, were wet and freezing! I did not have time to run back to my apartment, and getting a cab in the snow is next to impossible, so I walked for 20 minutes with boots full of ice-cold slush.

Now, I think we ALL know that I try to keep a positive attitude at all times, but, and for this my friend Matt can vouch, walking in snow tends to induce tourette’s syndrome in my usual sunny disposition. By the time I arrived at work, I was ready to amputate my feet that were screaming at me in pain.

By the end of the work day, I was very concerned about having to once again walk in ice-cold slushie boots, so I turned to my good friends/coworkers for support. Most told me to “get over it” or “buy better boots in the future.” (I’m a lucky girl, aren’t I?”) Trevor, however, stepped up to the plate.

“I went sledding one time without socks, so I put plastic bags on my feet.”

“Did it work?”

“By the end of the day, I still had toasty warm feet, so you tell me.”

“OK, well help me find some plastic bags, and put them on my feet.”

“I’m pretty sure this is something you could accomplish without assistance.”

“Just shut up and help me!” (Maybe this is where I made a wrong turn…)

I then found two plastic bags, different sizes and colors, and Trevor used packing tape (much more than necessary, might I add) to attatched them to the outside of my boots.

I looked rediculous! And as I waked around, I made so much noise that a Robocop comparison was made more than once.

Trevor and I walked outside, and I was met by crazy looks and laughter by Erik and Tom.

Erik: “Why didn’t you wear the plastic bags inside your boots????”

Tom: “Yeah, Swilley, this is a terrible idea. You’re going to slip and kill yourself.”

I stared blankly at Trevor.

Trevor: “Ah. Yeah that would have been way better, but this is way funnier.”

Me: “What!!!????!!!!! Well, help me fix it.”

Trevor: “Sorry, but I’ve got to get to the gym.”

(I’m 99% sure he then flexed and kissed his bicep.)


Erik, Tom, and Trevor then hightailed it to the gym before I could lunge at them like a cat in car. 

Then Matt enters the scene, doubles over laughing, proclaims that it is "the best moment of his life."


GRRRR....

“You know, I was gonna go to the gym, but I think walking home with you is going to be way more entertaining. I want to see how this pans out.”

“Please help me take these bags of my feet.”

“Oh that is soooo not happening! A person can’t pay for entertainment this good.”

So when then began our trek home, me making Robocop sounds all the while. And if Koreans thought that Waygooks were strange before, they REALLY think that we are strange now! One woman literally stopped me and gave me hug. My only guess as to the reason why is that she thought that I was mentally challenged in some way, which I suppose is debatable.

Actually, I think it is safe to say that my IQ is well below average because what happened to the plastic bags five minutes after walking, make that slipping and sliding, on slushy concrete? The bottoms of the bags ripped, and in 2.5 seconds I, once again, had slushy feet. UGH! I was the complete opposite of happy!!!

And, of course, Matt refused to help me take the bag off, so I continued to walk (slip) down the road with bags on my feet, which served no purpose whatsoever! And what was Matt doing? TAKING PICTURES!!!!

In closing, I would like to say that I am now taking applications for new friends.

Also, Trevor is dead to me.


I might as well throw Tom and Erik on that list as well.

Rest In Peace, super-cute rain boots. We shared a lot of miles and memories together. You will be missed.

Pretty Woman

Sometimes when one says "Wow. I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman," it is not necessarily a good thing. Several months ago Jennifer and I made an impromptu trip to Shinseage. I guess one could describe Shinsegae as the Nordstroms or Saks of Korea. It carries pretty much any western brand imaginable, Chanel, Coach, Louis Vuitton, Gap, Banana Republic, etc., along with a variety of Korean brands as well.

Quick fact: The United Colors of Benetton is HUGE in Korea. I remember Benetton being a big deal in the US in the early 1980's but had completely forgotten about the brightly colored company until arriving in Korea and seeing my students in Benetton apparel each day. There are also Benetton bicycles and condoms everywhere.

As usual, I have gotten off track. Let's go back to my shopping excursion with Jennifer. This was the day that I purchased my Roberto Cavalli sunglasses. If you do not know to what I am referring, you have not been reading my blog. Bad Reader (no cookie)! Before deciding on a pair of sunglasses, I dragged Jennifer into a million different stores in search of a simple black sweater. I usually have luck at Banana Republic, but on this particular day, that was not the case. Eventually, we ended up in a random Korean brand store. While browsing, I picked up a furry black sweater. (Koreans truly love all things furry, when it comes to sweaters, jackets, and vests, And I can assure you that they are not PETA friendly.) It was very ajuma-esque, and I had no intention of purchasing the furry item. IMMEDIATELY, a saleswoman grabbed the sweater from me and said (in korea) "very expensive." The she proceeded to show me the price tag. It was 500 dollars. Yes that was too expensive, AND the sweater was hideous, but NO ONE is allowed to assume that I can't afford something. My inner Budgie (that's my grandmother) nearly bought the horrible sweater out of spite! I know, I know, that would be maturity at it's finest, but no one puts Baby in the corner!!!
Instead, I grabbed the sweater back, shook my finger at the salesperson, and said "Not nice! Rude!"
She, in turn, nodded her head and replied (again in Korean), "Ah. Yes. Very expensive."
GRRR....She thought that I was shocked at the price, not her rude behavior.

Jennifer laughed at me for a good, solid two hours, NO,  make that two days after the incident. She kept reenacting the situation and quoting Pretty Woman by saying "Big Mistake! HUGE!"

For the most part, however, Korean customer service is excellent IF they are making money off of you. Once a salesperson knows you want to buy something, the discounts and free products begin flowing like soju and mekju on a Saturday night in Hongdae. But if you're not gonna be a cash cow, you might as well not exist, and they want you OUT.

Call me a masochist, but I still stand by my belief that Shinsegae is the REAL happiest place on earth!

And this is basically what you see walking down the street on a daily basis. It's freezing, ladies! Put on some pants!!!!